So I have been reflecting on how progressively I have been changing my attitude these past few weeks and began “adapting” to my environment… These have two connotations:
One is that I am getting more comfortable with my role as a teacher. I can lesson plan in a much shorter timespan. I can lead class more comfortably without having to look at my notes 37 times. And believe me, I have gotten that teacher stare down packed!
However, I am also adapting in a not such positive way. I have been working on becoming “firm” with my students. The definition of “firm” is so loosely defined, and I think I am making the mistake of letting too many people define it for me. For example, Alijah wanted to go to the bathroom yesterday, but because three other girls were in the bathroom, I couldn’t let her go. She began throwing a fit and crying in the middle of class, and I “firmly” told the class, “I don’t care that you are crying. That is not the way we handle ourselves as scholars here.” and moved on… For me to blatantly tell a scholar that I don’t care about how they feel is NOT me. Later I got compliments from other teachers that I was being “firm” and they would respond in a positive manner now. However, I know know that they won’t be able to confide in me as much as I wanted them to. I have adapted to the way things were conducted at this school. However, I know that Edison is the way it is for a reason, and me “adapting” to the Edison ways have made closing this achievement gap there waaaay more difficult.
I need to have a reminder that I truly care about these scholars, but that there is a time and place for everything. I hope to turn myself around and shout out students that have been truly acting the part. I will also begin eating lunch downstairs in the cafeteria and hope to have students eat lunch with me too. I will “adapt” to the school, but now I want the school to adapt to me.